088. If a Tree Falls

I am far from invisible.

It has taken me a lot longer than I expected to reach the point of writing this. I thought my day would go as I imagined, arrive at work, settle into the office, and get cracking on. Then perhaps, when the time was right, have a coffee and a little chat in the lobby. The lobby-coffee was just to avoid being further away from my ability to quickly jot a thought or get back into the flow of work. Instead what happened was none of that.

Upon my arrival, I was redirected to the café, where I ended up having a coffee, then later a chat. I met some interesting people, then almost an hour later, I was finally on my way to my desk where I imagined myself putting together ideas and flowing with the work. Alas, someone had me on their checklist of activities or meetings that needed to occur. Acknowledging that this individual had been looking for me and had taken time out of their day to catch me when they did, I entertained the conversation all the way to the point of somehow making much needed progress on another activity. At that point of course, I saw it suitable to step away from my desk and carry out other activities since I had not been able to actually get my activity of choice carried out.

Trying to ‘lock in’ is quite difficult. Of course, we exist in a world with people and just because you don’t have someone on your agenda doesn't mean it is the same them. Even then, when the external factor that is other people seeking you out is taken away, you remain, present with whatever idea, thought, or attraction that could take your attention. In most cases, you have to clear the laundry, paint the furniture, mow the lawn and build the house before you could finally sit down and focus your attention. Only after having had cleared the environment of all distractions by falling prey to those distractions, may the work begin.

At times I make the argument for myself that if I were at home then I would have one factor of distractions taken away. There would be no one who can come in at interrupt me, and as long as my phone is on DnD, then there would be no one who can reach me. However, that is far from the truth. Most days, simply from the want of a moment of distraction, I give my attention away so freely, and for indefinite periods of time. The environment of course is a factor, however, if there is a part of me that longs for a moment of distraction, then that is what will be found.

The idea that if I can keep my head down, then I will be able to get by, creates a sort of illusion of invisibility in one’s mind. This idea that you will still be somehow able to impact the world and your environment if you do not let yourself be seen, known, and heard. As the old adage goes, ‘if a tree falls in a forest, and there is no one to hear it, does it make a sound?’

My newfound visibility frustrates me. However, it is the only reason my ideas have gone and grown as far as they have, and it is required for my work to do what it is supposed to do.

Leaving social media meant that I was leaving ease of marketing. I didn’t know it at the time because I had nothing that I was particularly interested in drawing attention to. I was existing passively, consuming passively, hoping the kind of life I was growing accustomed to on my screen would materialise. However, as eyes behind a screen, never commenting, rarely liking; beyond view time, there was nothing I contributed. There was nothing for me to do there, so left. Eventually, I had an idea, one I thought was worth sharing, however, the means through which the sharing was easily accessible was lost to me and I had, and still do not, have intention of returning to that space. Thus, another method had to be born.

As you may know, if you have been following this journey, one of the minefields I was navigating was that of promotion. At first it was developing the ability to share that I had written something that I thought perhaps someone would find worth a read. Then the next step was reaching a broader audience. As a young person, one more familiar with the marketing tool that is social media, teaching myself to believe that there was another means through which information could be shared was crucial. However, actually living that reality, could make someone wish they were invisible.

I am only beginning to truly understand how deeply engrained service is in the human experience. Once we have fed, cleaned, and relieved ourselves, everything else we do is in service of other people. In knowing this, you quickly learn that nothing can grow without creating connections. For this connection to matter, they so not all need to run deeper than blood or even friendship. Sometimes more growth and inspiration can come from moments with strangers newly met. Of course, it a spectrum. Some are recovering people pleasers; some are learning how to hold a conversation beyond an awkward smile from across the room.

When we factor in the basic fact that plants are living things. Capable of responding to environmental stimuli, pressure, temperature, light, sound, air; if it fair to assume that though ‘no one’ might have heard the tree fall, the trees that surround it, will surely notice that change in their environment.

Before you arrived where you are in this moment, you influenced more environments can you are capable of imagining. Your mere existence in any given moment changes the moment. Like that party you feel as though you are missing out on, though it may still be as fun with you there, the stories you are told about what happened there would simply not be the same if you were there. Even if you only spoken to one person for a moment, just said hello, the world will be forever changed by your presence.

No, I do not intend to tell you go off to the rooftops to proclaim your existence. I merely aim to remind you that no matter how small you try to shrink yourself, no matter how many layers of clothing and caps you try to bury yourself behind, or however outspoken people you try to hide behind, the people in your environment will always see you. Now, the only question is,

Will you let your existence be known, or are you going to continue gaslighting the world into believing they cannot see you?

Dear reader, another entry finished during the day, WOW! Well, today, this was intended as the opening thought to a busy busy day. As I have finally finished, it means the rest of the work may begin.

Thank you so much for sharing your time with me in these final days. I know these last 30 days, the thoughts have been of a slightly different nature, however, I am learning that knowing when your mind and your energy are at the best, is an essential key in life. So, I hope to catch you again in the light of day. 2 more to go, wow.