073. Horse To Water
A page a day keeps the sanity intact.
I spent what feels like most of my day writing. Mainly I was reading. Most of my actual day was spent going through this report I am growing eager to finish; I have been reading it for what feels like forever and I would like a change. Even though the day was mostly spent reading, my mental energy was focused on translating a meeting into something that serves a purpose.
Today, I entered a new space of writing. It was quite fascinating the way I used language. Because I had been reading reports and briefs, there was an aspect of that language dancing around.
I am in marvel of how much work it takes to do the things you want to do.
Some days ago, I called for, and held a meeting. With the assistance of a few peers, it more than I could have imagined possible. The objective was to find community and aspire to create a culture that inspires life. I wasn’t able to communicate as simply as I just did now but, it has taken thousands of words to find a wording the encompasses what I mean as simply as ‘find community and aspire to create a culture that inspires life’. Perhaps I will change ‘find’ to ‘build’.
Why change ‘find’ to ‘build’?
Lately, I have been trying to accept the basic reality that we do not change people. Within our realm of will, we have only our will. We cannot will another to do something they do not will to do, neither can they to us. It is a belief that is clouded by the notion of ‘convincing people’.
I don’t think there is anything anyone could have said or done. This is a statement that is true for several periods of my life. Whatever the situation, as convinced as I was, I had to choose whatever path and commit to it. Every time I took a step, the more I grounded myself in that choice and that belief. The more reason I had hold on and defend that belief.
‘You can take a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.’
Forever such sayings have echoed in our lives but the gravity of the resonance differs through different points of our lives.
It’s hard work. There’s no point wondering if anyone would notice if I just let go of all of my efforts, I know they would. Even if they didn’t, I would imagine they would. I would imagine they would carry around a little sense of disappointment because they would remember that I gave up when all I had to do was try; and that’s why this is hard. I want to hand over to some one already. I want someone who knows better than me to step up and do something but, they’re not. I’m the one who’s there, running around, asking questions, and summoning people. I’m the one going through documents, running around trying to find answers, and the truth is I can’t do it alone.
Thus far, I have been really good at doing exactly what I am doing, and that’s all I can do. I can only ever be me, and try to be the very best me I can be.
The reason I say build is because the people have to know the spaces exist. There is only so much time that can be spent looking for people who do not want to be found. At some point, it becomes a disservice to the people you have already found to be in servitude to people who do not desire your services.
I want to do this. I want to see the spaces in imagine in my mind exist in my reality. So, I will build them. My hope, is that the who people also want for these spaces, find them or, find it in them to build them.
Dear readers, that is my time today. I would like to apologise because lately I have not been reading through these entries. I only hope they are not riddled with errors as I do not see myself actively making time to rectify this issue. Perhaps none of you will ever see this note because tomorrow morning I make time for that very thing, though the chance for that are low. Either way, I have reached my quota 200 words ago. I am just here now to say thank you and goodnight.
