072. More Effort
And now, I want nothing but to sleep.
The day goes by so quickly and there just isn’t enough to get it all done. However, this idea of the continuum makes it easier to want to try.
Supposedly, one of the most dangerous things you can do is dreaming too small. If daily we aspire towards little, what is asked of us thus becomes little. However, the bigger dream, the bigger the effort required.
I am not sure why the effort required was not something I fully considered when I signed up to try. Each new day warrants more and more effort. As, to say with each new day another opportunity to grow is presented. And I would like to day, today I tried my best.
Deciding to work when the rest of the world is celebrating a holiday can feel like a lot of an ask. Having to take away time from your family to answer to people that benefit from majority of time always. An invasion into your personal space. For a lot of people, it will likely feel that way. Being pulled in opposing directions, trying to find equilibrium. For me however, I’m not even sure what is being celebrated. Today is just another day where I do have to be accountable to my employer.
Months ago, before joining the formal workforce, I tried to share complaints about the struggles of being a ‘self-starter’, the struggles of being self-employed. When I did so, my cries were immediately dismissed, viewed as avoidable problems I was signing up for. Fortunately, I was able to see that any attempts at defence had already been disregarded the moment my life was perceived as being better.
At the time, what I did not understand was the lack of ownership most people were living with. Because people are accountable to their employer, it is easy for them to dismiss any accountability from themselves. Direct the cause and root of the problem towards the institution you blame for missing your friends’ birthdays. For a long time I did this. Then, I found myself without institution, without anyone else to hold responsible for my life but myself.
Some time ago, it was recommended that I write about how ‘if you want something done, then you should do it yourself’. At the time, all I could think about were instances where such a phrase could be used. I did not at the time, have the capacity to go deeper and understand what that could possibly mean. Eventually I did.
I have been thinking about the ‘us versus them’ of evolution. This idea that at first it’s ‘me vs world’, then ‘us vs them’. Truth is, most of us are still stuck at ‘me vs me’, unable to take the world into consideration. And if that is true of the people of the world, then how do we aim to reach a point of ‘us vs them’.
When we look at the people around us, it is easy to see how if they could only change this, then their lives would improve exponentially. We assume that it is within the will of others to alter their lives and be accountable for their rolls in attaining their positions. Yet, for ourselves, we assume that the world singled us out as exceptions and examples.
And you know what, maybe the world does revolve around you, and if it does, what can you control in that world.
Dear reader, I am glad I have found my 500 words, and I am released from my promise for today. I hope you come back to follow along through these messy final days. 😊
