Better today than I was yesterday.
I believe life comprises of a series of little promises. Promises so small, and easy to meet daily, that overtime, you learn a sense of dependability in yourself and the world around you.
A sentiment that I have carried through this series has been, 'I did my best today, and I can end the day knowing I did all that I could'.
When I first introduced The Full Send, I did so at a time when I was losing sleep over obsessing over all that things 'I could be' doing. The Full Send was an outlet for a never ending monologue constantly finding new topics to expand on. It happened so suddenly but, I quickly learnt that I could no longer end my days knowing I had done my best if I did not write and publish something. So, among other tasks that would fill my day, The Full Send became a means through which to measure my ability to best myself with each new day.
For what feels like most days, I am often nervous when it comes to sharing my thoughts. I question the value of my opinion and my own significance. Though today, I stumbled upon a video of a man disappointed at the media for their portrayal of people like him. Through most of the video, I found myself thinking that if he could get on the internet and say the things that he was saying, then why do I spend so much energy crippled by thought. However, because this man dared to share his opinion publicly, I was able to stumble upon it and gain a little knowledge of his perspective.
Sometimes I like to believe that we are all so basic easy to read. Like personality tests, we all fall into some kind of category and there are not many options to choose from. However, just often enough, we stumble upon individuals who hold the ability to carry different opinions than we do. Unfortunately, when that happens, in our present society, we quickly opt to scroll past. Though, if we are patient, then we are able to learn that not everyone thinks the way that we do because not everyone shared the same four walls growing up.
"How can you say to your brother, ' Let me take the speck out of your eye when', when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?"
Lately, I have been thinking about this concept, the speck in your brother's eye but the log in yours. Perhaps it is my attempt at avoiding hypocrisy, or a way to remind myself not to be too quick with judgement. Most likely, in my choosing to exist publicly, I notice other people who are also sharing pieces of their perspective, then, as criticisms arise naturally, I turn inward and wonder if I too am guilty of those accusations.
I am unsure how these final 30 days will look but I know that I want to see them through. There are so many time I have stumbled upon a creator and wished they had documented some of their earlier works. There are so many times that I wish I had been more sentimental and held on to work I hated at the time. There are times I have wished I was paying a little more attention as I cooked my meal.
Sometimes genius occurs, your early works might look like most people's advanced work. Sometimes you have the ability to store all your work, then one you remember some piece of work you created but deeply hated and now you have grown from that time in your life and you are able to hold it as a muse. Then sometimes, all you have is the promise that you made yourself yesterday, that you are fulfilling today, in so doing, you plant and nurture seeds of faith and accountability in yourself.
If a story were to be told about you, would it be true? Would it tell the story of the experience of being you? The history of how you learnt to maneuverer through the world and grew to be you? Would the story be true to you?
If you answer yes, then carry on with life, proceed normally. If by chance, your answer is no, then acknowledge the power of your story told by you. Accept that your truth is your burden to dare and only you can tell the story of what it is like to be you. Instead of waiting for your media to reflect you when you look at it, perhaps ask yourself what you contribute to the media.
I almost didn't make it here today but, I want to be able to trust in myself when I say I will do something so, here I am, being better today than I was yesterday.
