062. At Capacity.

There are a finite amount of minutes in a day. 

Imagine; as you are now, you are currently operating at capacity. If you have made it this far in life then, it is likely that you have found a way to fill every minute of your life thus far. Whether through sleep, eating, working or simply wishing you had something better to do, you have spent every minute of your life thus far.

On your current path to becoming whatever older version of yourself you envision, your schedule is already packed full, assuring every day you get closer and closer to that version of self. If you are happy with the version of yourself that your routine creates, then all is well. 

However, at random points through life, the routine seizes to fit and you want for more, you want for change. If you manage to reach the point where your want turns into action, you might begin a quest to discover what that change could mean.  

I have often heard people talk about how they were trying to juggle ‘this’ activity alongside ‘another’ activity, the resulting tale always leads to burnout. Uni students juggling classes, a job, and an attempt at a social life. Aspiring entrepreneurs juggling work, home life, and the business they are trying to build. The version of the story that does not end in burnout is that of the one who decides to drop something. 

There are only so many hours in a day, and you are currently operating at capacity. 

When I got home today, after my day of work, I was rushing to get changed and get back outside so I can call it a day, and sit in the presence of my own company. With the rain clouds overhead, the sun is a rare sighting but, I was able to catch a moment of the warm oranges and pinks making their way through the clouds as the sun set. And just as quickly as that moment came and went, I found myself looking at the time and rushing back indoors to make preparations for the workday that will follow this one. So, I took a moment to steady myself, then, I got back to it. 

A few hours later, and here I am, past my bedtime, eating into my 8 hours, trying to fulfil a commitment.

I am learning that I actually do not like writing at bedtime. My mind is much slower, getting ready for bed, so the thoughts that I would be struggling to catch a hold of rushing through my mind all day, somehow become harder to reach. However, when your day fills up as it unfolds, tasks not prioritised will ring louder as the day approaches its end - when there is no more room to push back any further. 

As there are only so many minutes a day can be, and you are currently operating at capacity; for each new activity to enter your day, one must go.

In this moment, I take away minutes from the sleep I could have been sleeping. I take away an extra little pinch of energy from my day tomorrow. I take away time for the day I could have had as I may opt for an earlier night. Though, I could also argue those minutes were taken away when I decided to walk a little longer this morning, or when I entertained conversations with colleagues, or perhaps when I decided to take a moment to steady myself. None of that matters, what does, to me, is that I have made it here.

There are a lot of late nights I have spent doing things that were meaningless and aimless. Doing for the sake of doing, not much value added beyond sleep deprivation. However, every now and again, I do love a good obsessive binge. 

When you say yes to something, you say no to a lot of other things. Yes to a coffee at 5pm likely means you are not going to have that early night you imagined. Yes to a late dinner on a school night, likely means you are making it to work late the next morning, or cutting into your sleep. Saying yes to one job, means saying no to another.

Though, when you say no to something, you learn to live in the consequences of your choices, but, you also get to live the life of your choosing.

To the question, ‘do you like the reason why you are tired?’, I answer yes. Now, do I like that I am tired, no. As this is the life I have chosen, then I will need to find a way to work with my time a little better because, there are a finite amount of minutes in day and if I am currently operating at capacity, then what could I stand to let go of, so that when it is time for me to do something I care about, I am giving myself the opportunity to truly put my best foot forward.

Alright. Thank you so much for coming back for day 2 of the final 30 days of this 90-day journey. Thank you, thank you. I have done my best today, and I cannot wait to see what my best will be tomorrow and how I will make space in my day.