010. Milestone ONE

My oh my, my, oh, my! 

Jour 10 

Wow. It feels so crazy to have made it this far. To be honest, I think the notion of a challenge changes something about the act of writing. It adds a level of intentionality to it that puts a little tension in the air until you're in this moment - the moment of writing.

I have been thinking about writing all day. The fact that this is when I am managing to finally sit down and write this doesn't feel reflective of the day it has taken to get here. Earlier, it felt too early but now, I actually had about a 15-minute ‘intermission’ in the middle of writing that sentence.

Typing is so fun. You get to backspace like it never happened. I've had to think about writing quite a lot lately. It has become the new obsession on my mind. Even though I can just erase it all like it never existed, I find myself spending hours throughout the day contemplating how to fill this moment.  

Then, it comes when the day's end is approaching and it just has to be done. Frustrating isn't it.

Even then, over an hour has lapsed between this sentence at the last. Time has a funny way of getting away. It's funny cause I spent much of the day trying to get through the many hours of the day. The somehow, evening comes and the night falls so quick.

There is much romance my mind played around with all day about this article but, I have now spent so many of my hours getting caught up. Now here we are, in the moment I spent the day anticipating and, I am tired. Too tired even. Maybe I would feel more justified if I had ran a marathon or exerted myself physically but it has been beyond a slow day. So how and where the time has gone eludes me but, it has come and gone.

I have to say, I think this week has been a lot. There has been a lot of change and I find myself asking if perhaps I'm 'deeping' things too much. However, as 2AM approaches, a when time I should be snoring, I am awake. My sleep has been shaken out of sorts, and my neck has been aching for the last three days.

My new bedroom has a peculiar smell, a very violent one. The ‘linen’, honestly feels like a stretch to call it linen but, the sheets are itchy and outside, the people can be peculiar. The journey here was quite disorienting and unfortunately, there was no magic cure for this disorienting experience after I arrived.

I suppose when you're on vacation, the knowing that the experiencing will be ending soon creates a sense of ease as you know your bed is only a few nights anyway. Perhaps I am one of few who longs for their own bed on vacation but, I also do not vacation. However, I even wonder why I long for my bed so much when my mattress is actually quite uncomfortable and should be changed but I suppose I have reached a state of acclimation my personal environment so when I long for order, no matter how flawed, what is mine, is mine.

When I started this series, I knew that was not guaranteed stability. I cannot recall a time in my life when there was a guarantee of stability. Of course, there has been stability in my life but there has never been any guarantee of it, that’s simply not how life works. I did not want some fictional idea of stability to stop me from trying. Though, this is definitely not what I expected.

For some reason, on Fridays it's justified to stay up later than it is on all the other school nights. Unfortunately, for this challenge, it means when time comes, I have more tiredness than I would prefer when I am writing.

Alas, week 2 down. Week 3, I want to try something different. Perhaps, writing before noon. See what my mind can produce in the hours.

All of this is an experiment. There is nothing set in stone. All I have to do is make sure I do my part and I show up every weekday. So, I'm excited to see what my mind can produce in those morning hours. I wonder what tone will come through when I am not carrying the weight of a full day's journey.

Milestone ONE!!! What a momentous occasion. Now it's time to end my week knowing, I have done my best and cannot wait to start another week knowing how good it feels to go another week knowing I did all that I could.

May 1st,wow, how time goes. I’ll catch you back here on Star Wars’ Day. I wish you all a restful weekend.