003. Fleeting moments

Moments are truly fleeting.

Some time ago I learnt to say that I was having a bad moment, rather than a bad day.

If I was still that person, then in this moment, it would be likely that I would say that I was having a bad day. However, that is so far from the truth.

My day was beautiful. There was a healthy amount of newness and comfort. Though, as I sit in the shadow of these heavy feelings, the smiles and the laughs shared today feel so distant and almost foreign. Now, I find myself trying to grasp at feelings past to motivate me to continue writing this.

Truth is, I am not motivated to write this. However, and I imagine this will be another theme that will follow this series - I know that I will sleep better having had done my part in pushing the needle further.

The way I see it is, I am one of many - a step towards a 'higher self'. As a mere step along that journey, I have to make sure I do my part and do what I can. There are times that I have looked back at past selves and questioned their reasoning. Wondered why more effort was not made. Today, no matter how much my eyes tire, I know I will not create guilt for my future self to carry.

If every moment was grand and beautiful, then every moment would be like every other. Without a change in pace or rhythm, then all would be monotonous and bland. I suppose my ability to conceive of a reality I cannot imagine is limited, so, as far as I am concerned, without contrast, all would be bland.

So, I guess in this reality we share, the bad moments are an inevitable consequence of continued existence. So, today I will sit in this feeling. Allow it to run its course because, I know this too is a fleeting moment. For without it, I would not have the appreciation for all the smiles and laughs I shared.

Turns out, today is one of those days. However, I am not the girl I was many years ago. Today, I showed up. Though I did not and still do not feel up to it, I have done my best and I will end my day knowing, I did all I could.

Today, I thank myself for showing up when I would have rather gone straight to bed and dealt with the consequences tomorrow. And to you, thank you for sharing this fleeting moment with me. I hope to share another with you again tomorrow.