070. A Little Further
All week I feel as though when I get here, I’m just thinking about doing my part in pushing the needle a little further.
Every day week has been that way. I managed to wake up with my alarms, go for a walk, do some yoga, make it to work in good time, and show up here. I here today, I just simply don’t want to break that chain. As much as there may have been a break in the past, I do not want to allow it now.
This year, I decided I wanted it to be one of investing. Investing my time, and my energy. In wondering what it would mean if I were to view my time as an asset that can be invested and provide returns, then I would have to pay attention to where my time is spent.
When you think about your energy, the maximiser of time and experience, you have to know when you have it and how it to get it.
This is were it all started somewhere along the line. Stuck in bed without energy, having all the time and not knowing what to do with beyond continuing to exist. It has been a long time since then. Even now, I know it was not easy, but when I think back to it, I do not wish to cast pity or praise; it was simply a time when things were different. I remember things were hard then, but I know things are hard now.
My beliefs of certain things over the last year have had to drastically change.
When I think about whether or not I can do something, I first have to ask myself, ‘do I want to?’
That’s it. Majority of life’s queries are solved there. For as long as I can remember, I have liked to consider myself a neutral person. Not really being pro, neither anti, just being. For the most part, I care not to carry around too many feelings about too many things, but I do care for what I care for; what I don’t, I don’t.
Not wanting to do something is a perfectly valid reason for not wanting to do something. I remember in my first few weeks of university when I realised that I could just eat cake whenever. There did not need to be a celebration for cake to be had, it did not have to be after a healthy meal. If I fancied a cake, I could simply go out and get one. A full cake if it were my desire. Have it for lunch dinner and breakfast. If I wanted cake, I could have cake, if I didn’t, then I didn’t.
However, that wasn’t always the case. I couldn’t simply just get cake because I wanted it, sometimes the funds would be insufficient. There wasn’t always room for wanting cake. So, I learnt not want to it. Let go, turn away and move on. Then, no cake. Alas, it’s not like one could acquire the ingredients for one to assemble a cake.
The more I have wanted to do something, the more I have noticed the manner through which creativity sparks pathways towards achieving it. Luckly our imaginations run wild and we think up the many ways it wont work, but, if you wait long enough. If you are willing to want something so much that you actually see yourself doing it, then perhaps you will understand why I do not wish to break this chain.
Finally!!!! Full Send!!! I can cross that off my list for this week.
Genuinely, this has been an incredible week. I saw something that I really only tried to imagine. Something I had to believe could happen for me to see it happen. If I didn’t allow myself to try, and just trust my me doing my part in showing up today is enough, then I would have never known. It’s crazy cause now that I’ve it, just a little glimmer, I am willing to be patient. It has been a very long day. I am still figuring all of this this out. It is wayyyy past my bedtime and I am simply grateful tomorrow is Saturday.
Dear Reader, thank you for bearing with me. These are the Early Works after all, I am still figuring it out. Thank you for being a part of this experience and allowing me your time.
