051. My Sojourn
Lately, there has been so much change in my life, and soon, some normalcy will return.
The frustrating thing about things going back to normal is, they never really do. There is always some change. Whether it's you that changes or there are some slight differences in your environment, nothing ever stays the same.
Lately, I feel as though I do not know what to write about. Most days feel like this so I suppose there isn't much that’s special about that. However lately, it feels like there is either too much or too little on my mind. When the time comes to write, which feels further and further to reach, writing occurs. Yet, some part of me feels as though I have exhausted every topic, all while feeling as though I could go deeper.
My sojourn has lasted much longer than I expected. However, from the start, I knew it was going to be a long trip. Because of this, I knew I would need to allow myself to detach from my home so that I would not spend all my time wishing about how things could be if I were at home. Eventually, I found a sort of rhythm to life. It took weeks to settle but now, it's a little tough to imagine the experience of being anywhere else.
When I left home, my life looked a certain way. The meals I ate were different - the groceries in my fridge were different. My daily habits were different - my mealtimes, wake times, walk times - all of it was different. The weather was different, and now, the rain season approaches. I remember it all but, in a way, it feels like a past life.
I am often frustrated when someone calls me and they act as though I materialise the instant they hit dial. Completely disregarding the fact that my life has been going on since the last time we spoke. Going back to your social life feels somewhat like that. I imagine, since I have been gone, more has happened, life has been lived. A lot can happen in a few months and the idea of it feels quite intimidating, especially when there hasn't been much that filled your life.
You would think I have enjoyed my stay in this peculiar foreign land, but, I have not. It has simply been days coming and going. I have found moments of joy and I have truly enjoyed the variety of fruits and dairy products. I will miss the fruits and yogurts most of all. They may be the major reason I would stay longer. Alas, all things come to an end, and soon, this will too.
So, I find myself looking back at my old life wondering how those shoes will fit.
I would like to imagine I am still that same person, but, I am also the person who has lived this experience - who has survived it.
Before I came here, I was so afraid that I would fall apart in a foreign environment without any social cushioning. Though, I was also confident that I would come here, meet people and somehow, make things happen. None of that happened, at least not in the ways I imagined.
My sleep, diet, exercise, changed. If I wanted to mirror the life I had back home, then perhaps it all fell apart. However, as I have documented through this journey, sometimes you simply have to do what you can, when you can. The environment wasn't like anything I had known before. The way I lived my life in one environment was not something so easily replicable in another. However, that did not make this experience and the way my life was lived inferior. The experience was simply different.
I met people, and things did happen, not the way I imagined but life was lived. I learnt that I understand more French than I realised. I experienced an inspirational and aspirational kind of patriotism. I learnt that communities can be kind, trusting and generous. I learnt that things can be different from how I had known then to be. I discovered new thoughts, and realities that allowed for their imagination.
It's almost over, an experience that felt never-ending, but now, I wonder if there could be more.
It's not over yet. But when it is, I will know I would have done all that I could. I will go back home knowing that every day, I tried my best. I will go back to my old life with a new experience under my belt. I will let go of this life that has become my normal and I will allow my old life to be new again.
Happy Monday dear reader. I am excited to see this new week reveal and what remains of this brief sojourn. I hope you are back here tomorrow as we continue to do our best.
