038. Full Of Wonder

For the first time in weeks, I went for a walk. 

As you may already be aware from previous articles (007, 008, 015, 016), venturing outdoors has become anxiety inducing. Something I would do when I felt I wanted to slow down my thoughts, in this new environment, does the opposite.  

For a little while, I managed to get myself up early enough to venture outside before the streets got too busy. I felt a little more secure this way. However, something about the climate here has made it quite difficult for me to manage my energy. Constantly waking up tired, only to spend the day deeply exhausted and struggling to sleep until the early hours of the morning. The walks that gave me a boost to power through my day were no longer providing that effect. So, I took a little break. 

Walking has become one of those activities that simply make me feel like a living breathing being. Walking allows me to feel as though I am using my body for it most basic function, movement. So, I knew eventually I would have to find a way to get back to my walking. As the early morning begun to feel unattainable with my exhaustion, I figured I would have to find a way to work through my newly developed anxieties about going outdoors when the streets were full.

One thing I am grateful for, is this idealised vision of the kind of person I am trying to become. What this vision does for me is provide a filter through which I can pass my decision making. I definitely do not get it right all the time. If I did, I imagine I would be a lot further along than I am now. However, if I did not have this filter altogether, then I know for certain, I would not be as far along as I am now. 

Though I am not the biggest fan, I have accepted that travel will likely be a major aspect of my life. Travelling from place to place to ensure the best outcomes from collaborative work. As a person who favours in-person interaction, travel is simply the price to pay. That being said, I am likely to have a lot more sojourns in my future. A lot more new environments in which I will need to adapt. 

There's a school of thought that argues what we see in the world is a mere projection of our inners feelings towards the world. I cannot be sure how true this is but, if it were true, then it simply means within me, I have the power to change my perception of the world around me. It would mean that the fears I see in the world, are merely a projection of the fears I have created in my mind.

I met a girl recently and she spoke about how safe this little city was. She knew little of the issues I had been experiencing. She was somewhat shocked to learn about my experience. So, if she can go through this city without the anxieties I have developed, then surely, I can unlearn these fears. Find a way to view the city through her lens and allow myself to walk as freely and carefree as she does.

The world is not a scary and terrible place. It is full of wonder and beauty.

On my walk today, a young lady approached me. Right there in the middle of the street, warm and open, she pitched me her business. She told me she worked at a nail salon just up the road and gave me her contact so I could stop by for a new set.  

If the world was a scary place, people would not talk to each other. You would not have people come up to you on their way to wherever just to say hello and let you know that if you were looking for a specific service, they would be happy to help. Though I understood little of that interaction, it was the highlight of my day.

The world is full of warm and kind people. That is the world I choose to believe in.

I went for an evening walk today and I look forward to going on another walk tomorrow. I look forward to seeing more of this city and letting go of the fear of perception. I am excited to discover the beauty this city has to offer because, the world is beautiful and full of wonder. 

Dear reader, if you haven't been outside today, go touch grass. If there is no grass near you, then just go outside and look up at the sky. The world is far bigger than the boxes we spend our days in. Even if you live in a mansion, there is no space greater than the outdoors, so, go experience it.

Thank you once again for following along my little thoughts. I faced my fear head on, and for that, I know I did my best today. I hope you are back here tomorrow as we continue to do all that we can.