034. Don’t Try Too Hard
Today, when I should have been writing, I thought to myself, ‘wouldn't this be the perfect time to do a completely random and unimportant task’, so, that's exactly what I did.
In that moment when I began to prepare my little activity detour, I didn't waste my energy feeling bad. I didn't beat myself up about how I was not doing what I was 'meant' to be doing. Instead, I said ‘okay, I guess we're doing this now’.
Oftentimes, so much energy is wasted on pointless arguments with yourself. Asking yourself what is ‘wrong’ with you for not doing the thing you said you would do. Perhaps you might even call yourself some unkind words to sweeten the deal. However, none of that changes the fact you are still doing whatever it is that you are doing, that is…not what you are 'meant' to be doing.
No, this is not another article telling you that 'only doing the thing is doing the thing'. However, if you fancy a reminder, I just gave you one. This article, is simply an observation.
If I were to add up the minutes I spend writing in a day - because it genuinely takes minutes - then they would likely be below 55 minutes per piece on average. On the other hand, if I were to calculate the time it takes for me to actually 'write' or, perhaps conjure up an article, then, on the lower end of things, I would likely say 3-5 hours. On the higher end, a day, if not more considering the years of life experienced required to fill the learnable/teachable moments I have to extrapolate from every time I 'recall' a time.
When it comes to the doing of a task, it often doesn't take very long. I think that is likely why many of us struggle to do things until the very last minute. Our awareness of how long it actually takes to do a task, takes away from our understanding of the volume of input our minds have to process for us to produce that output in the supposed 55 minutes it actually takes to complete an activity.
Then, it happens again. Quickly pulled away by the phone ringing for what you idealise to be 2 minutes which somehow spills over into the next hour. 5 minutes of writing here, 5 minutes of writing there. Of course, this is not the reality for everyone. There have been many sessions where that has not been the reality for me either. However, this is not about those days, this is about days like today. When the writing almost comes too easy but, words take hours to reach.
One of the reasons I continue to write is because I imagine someone out there, stumbling upon these words, finding the clarity they sought to explain a feeling or an experience they couldn't quite verbalise. Then, another part of me writes selfishly to answer the question, 'what would you do if you were to wake up as a 10-year-old but, with all the knowledge you have now?' Chances are, you'd be 10 years old and quickly get caught up in whatever 10-year-olds gravitate towards.
Both these reasons make me feel like I'm doing something, contributing towards something. However, at the core of these reasons, how do they differ from another random and unimportant task that I choose to do?
I suppose, when I choose to mess about with my hair and eyebrows, instead of the thing that I am 'meant' to be doing, I am following whatever it is the 10-year-old in me gravitates towards. In turn, when I eventually sit down to write, I am then attempting to understand the 10-year-old in me, who for some bizarre reason thinks that now is the time to do whatever random and unimportant task.
I cannot tell you there is much I have learnt from this little experience, only that, when you say you are going to do something, do it. Go ahead and play with your hair as long as you know that when the time comes, it will be done. There is no need to call yourself names because if you're anything like me, you can sit and stare at the screen for hours, getting up and sitting back down, only managing to get a few sentences out at a time. Then all of a sudden, as though through complete randomness, with complete disregard for social structuring and scheduling, that is when the words will come.
So, today's observation is, maybe, don't try too hard.
If the words aren't there, maybe get up and walk a little, then try again. If the struggle persists, perhaps, get up and start a conversation. Still no luck, maybe it's time to update your look. Still nothing? Maybe, stare at a wall, ask it what's right with you? If still nothing, perhaps it's time you write about how desperate you were to write about something that you spoke to a wall hoping it would give you answers. And if all that fails, then, pick up a pen, find a piece of paper and, start scribbling until a pretty image appears.
You know what you need to get done, so when the time comes (make sure you are not too far away from the devices/equipment you need to carry out your task), get it done.
And no, this is not a journal entry. If it were, I would not be sharing it so publicly.
Dear reader, thank you so much for giving me your time. This one felt a little sassy but, I hope you had as much fun reading it as I had writing it. Tomorrow is the final push, let's make it count. I have done my absolute best today, and I am eager to end my day knowing I have done all that I could. I hope you allow yourself to end your day with that same ease.
Day 35 tomorrow, I wonder what it will bring. I hope you are back to find out. :)
