029. Endure Silence

Sitting in silence can be quite tough. Especially when there are a million ways to fill the silence readily available.

I know it has become quite common for people to close an app to take a break, only for them to habitually open the app 15 seconds later, leaving them wondering how it even happened. I wonder what people defaulted to before technology became what it is now. Perhaps, they would open a book.

At some point in history, it was believed that books were problematic - damaging eyesight and addictive. Today, many people long for such simplicity. A return to a time before constant interruption.

I have intentionally tried to make my phone as minimally seductive as I possibly can. Limiting the apps that can notify me; removing the apps hours can get lost in. Though at times, I find myself swiping around and tapping on the magic black box looking for something that can provide entertainment. I guess the people in tech do not get paid the big bucks for nothing.

The brilliance of a few tech geniuses now has millions, if not billions, of people trying to understand their own psychology to figure out why these devices have become so hard to let go of.

When I was younger, I used to play outside. On Saturdays, I would make sure I woke up early to catch the latest episode of whatever Disney Channel had on schedule. When the reruns would come on, my sisters and I would be off to play whatever made-up game that suited the mood. I never really understood why we made so much of a fuss to catch the episode when it was first being broadcasted because, later that evening, we would be back indoors to watch the exact same episode we had woken up early for. 

There was no concept of spoilers. No social media account doing a walkthrough of the episode. No platforms discussing the hidden easter eggs in the episode. We simply wanted to watch it when it was released because, that's what we wanted to do. I suppose all the promotional content broadcasted throughout the week created hype around the early morning watch time so, it became what we wanted.

I suppose with social media, it was seeing our friends share their lives then we too wanted to participate in this digital social gathering. The gathering was always on and required Wi-Fi so, playing outside would not allow for that. The made-up games started disappearing. Interactions outdoors became a performance - choosing locations based off of what would photograph well - what would tell the best and most fabulous tale of what was otherwise a mundane experience. 

I suppose I'm lucky. We were restricted access to phones at my high schools so, interactions with the outside world were limited. We socialised on the sports field, classrooms, dorm rooms, and really, anywhere interaction was possible. I was an 'adult' when the magic black boxes became inescapable, and silence became a problem only they could solve.

Don't get me wrong, we still had little mp3 players and iPods. I've still got my little blue nano tucked away in one of my boxes.

I am not a technology hater, at least not fully. Without it, I would not be able to reach as many of you as I do when I share my writing. Without it, I would not be able to hear the voices and see the faces of my loved ones. I would not be able to enjoy virtual movie dates nor, have access to as much educational and entertainment material as I do. These are all beautiful things, things that I am grateful for. 

However, there is a past where people would tire from listening to the same record then, opt for silence. Now, when we grow tired of Netflix, we move to Disney, from there, YouTube, then music, then something and anything else but, the humming silence of modern life.

Today was not as tough as I thought it would be. I did myself the injustice of picking up my phone right upon waking so, my thoughts were quickly overtaken by an unimportant but enticing email headline. I will be sure to allow myself to see the sun first thing tomorrow morning because, when I got outside, the magic black box simply mattered a little less. Having to fight against an overheating phone and insufficient brightness just takes away the magic of the black box.

I do not long for the days of childhood because, children hate being kids. I am sure if I were to return to my younger self, she would be disappointed in me for giving up the freedom of adulthood. What I long for is the ability to endure silence without twitching to reach for the magic black box. Even then, children demand constant stimulation. So, what I truly long for is the ability to endure silence without feeling as though every moment must either be filled with productivity or entertainment - simply being, and it being enough.

If you have made it this far into the journey, thank you.

I truly did my best today and I hope you did too. It is restful to be able to end the day with the simple acknowledgement that you have done all that you could. Tomorrow is not guaranteed so, let that be enough.

I hope you are back here tomorrow to share in the celebration that is milestone 3 - 30 days!!! Wow! I am so excited to discover what day 30 will bring.