023. Be Jolly
I almost thought I would miss a day of this challenge and that scared me.
Though quite a few of my articles are about the challenges I face when it comes to finding something to write about or, the internal turmoil of inadequacy, I have grown quite fond of this as an outlet. To let that go after fighting through so many moments of writers' block, is something I do not want to do.
As I write this, I guess I can feel some of those dark clouds moving away.
It fascinates me how I can hold so many feelings about this undertaking. It was only 2 days ago I was fighting the feeling of wanting to give up and, yesterday, wondering how creativity can be conjured.
I recently came across the idea of 'forced cheerfulness'. Meaning that in those toughest of times, find a way to be jolly. If it means you start singing Christmas carols or nursery rhymes, then, so be it. Do whatever you can to take you mind out of that place of dread, because once you are in it, the rhythm of those rhymes will be much harder to find.
Though I have struggled to produce material for this challenge, I have not allowed myself to spend much time in the thoughts of giving up and letting go. The thoughts may come but, I remind myself of the way it feels when I finally complete an article and I allow that to be the happy tune I sing to pull myself out of any spiral.
With only myself to hold me accountable, it is easy to negotiate and argue that a missed day would do no harm. Tell myself that I could always make up for it on another day, and no one would notice. However, I would notice and, I would know. With a single choice, I would have broken my own trust.
That fear of letting myself down has held me strong and steady thus far. However, today, I thought I would miss a day due to technical issues out of my control. For over an hour earlier this evening, I was unable to gain access into this platform. I tried contacting customer service but, that service was down too. I eventually managed to log a request that required a series of supporting information and documents but, nothing came of it - I am still waiting for a response.
I found myself feeling helpless - trying to remedy a situation that felt out of my control. Scrambling for solutions to keep the platform live and the challenge going. For the first time, I was dealing with the genuine possibility of the end. Perhaps if this predicament presented itself on day 21, I simply would have called it day.
What I learnt from the first ever 30-day challenge that I completed was that getting to day 5, 7,14, 20 and so on, may feel great but, there is no greater feeling than setting out to do something over a long period of time and finally getting to the finish line. I think I spent that whole day telling anyone I could that I had just finished a 30-day challenge, I was so proud.
Eventually, I was able to resolve my technical issue and regain access of the platform. What I know now is that, issues will arise that fall out of my realm of control; if I do not sing myself happy tunes on the days when it feels tough to get across the finish line, then, if another issue arises, it will mean the end of something I have grown proud to be able to create daily.
So, dear reader, when the going gets tough, try some forced cheerfulness because, when those tough situations arise, if you allow your mind to fall into a place of dread, the rhythm of those rhymes will be much harder to find.
Thank you so much for coming back, and if you are new here, welcome to my little corner of this world wide web. I hope you come back to visit again tomorrow for day 24. :)
