005. Up Late

Once again, so many thoughts fight for first place.

I had to take a moment to pause. Allow my thoughts to be. Accept that I will get there and all will be well.

It is currently past my bedtime but, I have to fulfil a promise I made to myself and those of you who have come back for this entry. This marks week one. I am yet to discover how it will feel when this is finally out in the world.

Tonight is the last night in my bed for a little while and I've gone and played around with my sleep. It was worth it. I have grown very fond of the little community I have created for myself, the community that found me.

Having friends is so funny to me sometimes. There have been several periods where that has not been the case for me. Throughout so many periods in my life, I have believed I am meant to be an alone person. I suppose that is what I had to believe to cope with lack of companionship.

I wouldn't say anything changed about me. I don't think I suddenly became alluring to friendship. I just know that at some point, I had friends. They found me, we found each other. Not every friendship was instant. Some people were there for years, just never near enough to hold dear and call friend. Then, one day, you're in a queue waiting for coffee and all of a sudden, inseparable.

When you go so long in spaces that were merely not yours, your appreciation grows for spaces where your absence is noticed and your presence is felt.

I chose to spend my evening in the company of friends because I know the opportunities I take for granted, I will not have access to for some time. I'm sure I'll find moments of joy and laughter. However, I will miss the faces that have grown familiar and whose presence offer comfort.

Maybe, I just have separation anxiety but, when you find people who just make it a little easier to exist, it's a little annoying to have to leave. However, some of us are children of the diaspora, and these are just the growing pains.

I am so grateful I was able to share so many moments with my people today. Tomorrow, in between packing and the rushes of travel-days, I cannot wait squeeze in a few more moments with the girls. For today, it is time to say I have done my best, and I can now end my day knowing, I did all I could. 

I hope you have a restful weekend. And 'Monday, we go again'.