044. A Little Refresher
Health is wealth.
Lately this idea has felt more true than in previous periods of my life. My sojourn has been one where I have been battling a constant fatigue. No matter how many hours of quality sleep I manage to get, I wake up feeling more tired than I did when I went to sleep, only to spend the few hours of limited energy I have fighting the urge to go back to sleep.
For a long time, I have struggled with insomnia. At times, it would take me hours to fall asleep, once asleep, I would struggle to stay asleep, and as though it wasn't bad enough already, it would be another fight to finally wake up and get myself out of bed. One thing that always annoyed me was that no matter how tired I felt, I could never take a nap. The hour I would have to take a little refresher, I would spend trying to quite my mind for long enough to nap, only for my alarm to sound off the moment it seemed as though I was starting to drift off.
Lately, in a matter of minutes, I am asleep. The nap has been helping me get through my days. A few hours into the day, feeling spent, I have been managing to close my eyes and rest. Unfortunately, I wake up feeling both tired and as though I have simply wasted my day away to sleep.
When we set our goals and plans, most of us to do not factor in the ailments that could come along the away. I am sure many of us make our best efforts to avoid the colleague who comes into the office coughing and sneezing as to not find ourselves in the same predicament, but beyond avoiding the most recent case of the common cold, our plans are made in good faith.
A few months ago, I was having headaches that were completely depleting my livelihood. When I found some stability, I had not thought that more instability would be right around the corner. Alas, 'pain demands to be felt'. In that space, all I could do was ride out the wave and wait for it to be over.
Productivity has been one of the major defining factors of the industrial age. For many of us, I imagine, our days are measured against some imagined scale of productivity we have set for ourselves. If not set by us, then we judge ourselves against what we imagine or believe is expected of us. Either way, this measure of productivity adds a mental strain to being ill.
When being sick is viewed through the lens of productivity lost, it becomes much harder to treat yourself with kindness at the times you need it most. You start to punish yourself for a natural reaction from an overworked and tired body. We start to view ourselves as mere machines along the production line. Healing and rest become a flaw and, the solution…unknown.
I believe that a good percentage of the fear and anxiety that surrounds AI and automation comes from this belief around the need for constant productivity. I would like to believe that if we put a freeze to all animal husbandry, there would be enough be meat, leather, milk and so on, to last us at least 3 years. Of course, I do not have any facts to back that statement but, we have become so productive to the point that we produce more waste than usable goods. Go into any grocery store and you will see many poor little chickens who lived miserable farm lives only to end up expired and thrown in trash. This idea is true across many industries and now, it seems as though in time, it could be true for us too.
So what happens if our means for being productive goes away?
On the days when my body limits how productive I can be, I still feel a heavy sense of FOMOW (fear of missing out on work). Without my health, there is no work. Without my work, well, there is simply no work. But, with health, there is room to imagine.
When in good health, of course we do not make our plans with any thoughts of illness occurring. When it does, if we wish to remain sane, we must reimagine what it means to be productive. The world is a new place every day. The rules and measures of yesterday might not hold today. For some days, this might mean productivity is focusing on your health and wellbeing because, health truly is wealth.
Thank you so much for following along with me. 44 entries is insane!! For those of you who have read them all, I am so sincerely grateful that you have chosen to spend your precious time sharing in these moments with me.
One more day before the weekend and, I have done my best and I look forward to ending the week having had done all that I could.
