013. Pulling on Threads
I am in awe of how far I've come.
For the first time since starting this series, my mind is clear, calm, and quiet.
No, I do not know where this piece will end up but, as I start writing this, I do not have a million ideas battling for first place. I am just calm as I do what needs to be done.
Something about being in a new country makes me feel like a young child. Needing constant assistance and guidance, in need of support to know where to go and even how to be. I'm not sure how long it should take for a person to feel acclimated to a new environment but, I hope I am slowly getting there.
When I started this project, I'll be honest, I didn't even know I had started this project. I was just pulling on threads trying to see what would unravel. I don't think I could have ever imagined that this is how it would turn out.
For some reason, I that last statement feels like that is something that is only said on stages where one is collecting an award or receiving accolades for the tremendous work they have done. However, why should we wait for moments we are not guaranteed to show ourselves appreciation for nurturing and fostering our desires.
Yes, validation is good and warm and, I do not think I would have had the confidence to not only share but, continue my writing if it was not for that first positive feedback I received. However, I first had to get out of my own way and allow myself to create in order to receive that feedback.
The battles with myself have always been the hardest because, they don't always feel like battles. If you have ever been in an art class, one thing you likely know very well is that everyone hates their work - they are all their biggest critics. The most unfortunate thing about this is, it extends and is projected onto viewer. Meaning, because I do not like the work that I have produced, I begin to doubt that you would have any reason to like it either. Hence, any kindness on your part would only feel like pity to me.
Something I find both beautiful and unfortunate about art is that once it has been created, it has a way of taking on its own life. Like a living being, your art could either bring joy, anger, disinterest or peace to those that perceive it. Once it's done, it's done. It is what it is, and now comes the part that leaves most artworks unfinished.
In all my years as a creative, I think the first time I truly allowed myself to consider a piece of work as completed, was last year, November 2025.
After awkwardly sharing my little pocket sketchbook with this incredible artist, I found myself explaining how I was still working on some of the sketches. It might have been weeks at that point since I had worked on any of those sketches but, in my mind, I still wanted to go back in and 'perfect' them. However, all that was doing for me, and whoever viewed those sketches, was devaluing the experience of viewing that sketch.
Without knowing, I was dismissing my own work and creating an opportunity for others to do just the same. I suppose in my head, I imagined it would create a higher perception of my work if they knew it could be better but, why then show us this work if it is not 'the best' work. So, the artist then told me to just let it be finished and to move on to the next piece. I guess maybe, I needed the permission to allow my work to be finished because a few weeks after that, I allowed myself tocomplete my first painting.
And no, that was not my first ever painting but, it was the first time I allowed my work to truly exist as it was. No thoughts of hating my output and telling myself that I would make corrections later. Corrections that I would then eventually want to correct again and again until I had a hundred paintings buried one under the other with no rest or peace in sight for that canvas.
I definitely have a few pieces that I am giving some breathing room before I return to them but, I also have a series of completed works that are reflective of who I was on those days and, in those moments. It definitely takes some getting used to. A weight of acceptance but, eventually; you put the brush down, take the painting off the easel, and you grab another canvas and start anew.
Without that experience, without that acceptance, there would simply be no mirrors in which to find reflection. That alone is an occasion worthy of accolades. That alone is an occasion worthy of an award. Today, I will allow myself to complete and publish my 16th piece of written work. I have 16 pieces of work upon which I can stand and call myself a writer. No, I don't feel quite like one yet but, I certainly feel like this is another outlet through which I can express myself as a creative. For that, I feel honoured.
For the first time since starting this series, my mind is clear, calm and quiet. Perhaps I have begun to acclimate. Though I remain unsure how long it will take me to adjust to my new environment but, I know that experience builds on experiencing so, I will continue to try, and I will accept each day as it comes because I know, one day, I will reflect to these moments and be so proud of how far I have come.
Dear reader, if you have something you are working on, allow it to be finished. Allow it to exist, and give yourself the opportunity to one day be able to reflect on your own growth and progress.
Alas, it is time for me to end the day knowing, I put my best foot forward and did all could. Thank you so much for letting my work be a part of your universe. I hope you come back tomorrow to see what the threads unravel.
