019. Between Times

I am what some could consider a chronically late person.

I am sure my current colleagues would not believe this. I have recently managed to get a better handle on my time keeping. I am certain with every new day, I get a little bit better.

Some time ago, I learnt about ‘the time between times’. Meaning that yes, an activity might take 15-minutes to complete but, there is time that passes between that and the next activity. So, if your morning routine were to be broken down, then perhaps it does take 30 minutes to complete every activity that makes up your routines. However, that's not really how time works, and until this was explained to me plainly, I was confused as to why I could not seem to make it out of the door on time.

Yes, your morning walk might take you exactly 15 minutes, however, depending on how you slept the night before, it might take you an additional 5 minutes to get yourself up, and out of bed. Once you're out of bed, in the scramble to get dressed and make it out of your house, it might take your another 3 minutes to look for you left sock, in the end, you give up and just grab another pair and start your walk. When you get back home to start on your breakfast, and yes, your daily oats only take about 10 minutes to cook but, grabbing the pot, measuring the quantities of each the ingredients, washing your dishes might all add another 7-10 minutes.

I'm sure I could shave off a few of the minutes from these activities but, once you factor in making your bed, finding an outfit, getting dress, preparing your workbag, and getting transport; you then end up with a lot of non-activities that tend to get forgotten when timing the routines. At least, that was and can often be the case for me.

I would look at the time it takes to get each activity completed all while leaving out the time it takes to get from activity to activity, and in this scenario, I have not even factored in the phones of it all - how a quick notification can somehow rob you of 20 minutes you had not budgeted for.

I spent much of today looking at the time in the corner of my screen saying, 'okay, I'll start in a bit'. No definitive time, just, 'in a bit'. Perhaps you wouldn't be surprised how long 'a bit' actually became.

Whether it was a phone call that was a welcomed distraction or, pressing play on another video or, the one that feels least like procrastination but still is procrastination - finding something to read that feels insightful or educational. All of these activities could have been shelved for later, but somehow, the things that I actually wanted to do where the ones that were put in second place, then third, then forth, and so on, until there was no time left to push the activity any further.

I watched myself all day as the time between times grew longer, and somehow felt helpless through all it. The echoing thought of 'just do it', but…I guess the 'in a bit' rung louder. I'm not even sure if that last statement is true because in truth, it was likely that both rung so loud that I just felt immobile. Stuck there in the feeling of not knowing what to do even though my activities had already been clearly set out.

Some time ago, I noticed that I panic calmly. In my mind, the volume turns deafening but, my expressions, calm, slow and somewhat lifeless.

I'm not sure what that means for me. I do not imagine this is some kind of terminal diagnosis to which there is no treatment. It is something that I am aware of. Something that can be beneficial in some situations but, when it comes to the little everyday moments, it is something that needs to be overcome.

Not every day should be filled with 'productivity' but, if there is a constant echoing that is telling you to 'get up' then, perhaps that is something that needs to be acted on. I would say it needs to be examined but, when you can find procrastination in reading - even educational content, examination might just be another way of saying 'in a bit'.

I am not sure what to do with this awareness. Awareness is good, it helps you name the problem but, there has to be something that comes after that. I refuse to live in an actionless state of awareness, so, I guess I must find a way to remedy some of these times between times.

For my mornings, I had to give myself more time. Acknowledge that yes, it might take me 7 minutes to eat my breakfast, 2 minutes to make my bed, 8 minutes to shower; but, it takes 5 minutes to plate my food and allow it to cool to an edible temperature, another 5 to finally get up after I have finished my breakfast and, another 8 to complete all the pre-shower rituals. So, in the end, I just gave myself a 30-minute window for each of the key 3 activities.

Now, for the time in between activities that seems to grow with every snooze, continue watching, 5 more minutes or, in a bit, I'm not too sure about that one. I guess the most obvious answer might be the right one; just stop and get on with it. Maybe life really is that easy and, I am yet to discover that.

Even though it took me longer than I anticipated, it feels so good to be here, in this moment where I am doing the thing. So, why does it take so long to get here? I guess another thing I am yet to discover. Until then, I can finally say I have done my best and, I am glad I can end today knowing I did all I could.

I have set higher expectations for tomorrow so, I will truly need to earn that statement, I am excited for that. I hope you are back here tomorrow for another day of this journey into discovery.

And thank you for coming back.